if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
