I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
