Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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