my phone needs a breathalizer
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
