dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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