apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
