a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
