I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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