He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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