she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
