my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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