The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
