I skipped work to stalk him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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