somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
