K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
bring money and cleavage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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