For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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