I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
