Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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