Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
