She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
