I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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