I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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