I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
