Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
