I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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