I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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