Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
