we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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