I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
