don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have post one night stand depression
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