I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this just has baby written all over it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
