im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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