My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am one with the molecules
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
