I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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