I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
