Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
