i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
