THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I want a musical about memes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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