we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I color on your dick again?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
