Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
