It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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