giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
