my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
