He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
