i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
