do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
