The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
