I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
