You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
