I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
