You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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