i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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