they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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