Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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