1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize