Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
