Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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