what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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