When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
