...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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