I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?