just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news