FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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