If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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