Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
