alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
