Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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