love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
