I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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