3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can text with my tongue
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
